38 plays

The Bottles -Date with Ikea

That’s right, The Bottles aren’t the kind to bring a knife to a gunfight.  Mess with them, and they will BURN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE DOWN!

I don’t know if I’m supposed to pay the RUUUUUUetc. back -for example, by pointing out that putting a bunch of EEEEEEs at the end of a phonetically spelt ‘rumble’ produces a drawn out ‘rumbly’, idiot- or forward, because ever since Mr. 300 started reading David Foster Wallace, I haven’t understood a goddamn thing he writes.  But I’ve dissed 300 enough on this blog already, so I won’t do it today: Toby, your man for tomorrow is a crappy actor in awful films.  And ‘The Final Countdown’, ‘unofficial song of Eurobasket 1987‘…sux.  That’s, right, I said it!

OK, somebody else is choosing the theme next month.

…Carlos

43 plays

The Groveling Groans - Fire is delightful

I’m surprised that Carlos saw the Europe post considering he wasn’t around much last month.  What he of course meant to say is Europe sucks so good, like a toothless hooker that was a band groupie back in the 80’s and has since become addicted to crack.  It’s okay, some men prefer to crawl into the bottom of the Bottles and forget about their weekly responsibilities.  While the Brittles were dropping acid and hanging around questionable women of Asian descent, the Gobbledie Gooks were snorting cocaine and chasing underage tail like real fucking men.  So from me to you, if I were a street fighting man I’d say we should do it in the road and you can get the hell off my fucking cloud.

I don’t know anything about whoever is posting tomorrow, but I’m sure they are flawed in some way and if I knew of that flaw I could exploit it in a humerous fashion edging on meanness.

And for the record, when somebody says you’re going to be in a movie with Anthony Hopkins you don’t say no, no matter how retarded the premise.

31 plays

The Bottles. Efil Ym Ni.

I was asked to step into Tuesdays while Sarah B. is MIA.  Ordinarily I’m not cool enough to post on the music blog- but seeing how this is Bottles/Groveling Groans month, I don’t think you need to be all that cool.

Donald told me I was supposed to talk trash to Teddy.  I feel weird about talking trash to my brother. And there isn’t really any trash to said about him- except for the whole being a Duke fan thing.  And a Republican.

As far as talking trash about the Groveling Groans…well, they did appear on a 90210 episode. While there is nothing wrong with 90210, they appeared on a crappy season (5) - and they join the rank of other 90210 musicians like Jaime Walters and Brian McKnight.  That can’t be cool.

34 plays

The Non-Moss Gatherers - Daed Serwolf

Obviously the Non-Moss Gatherers are the much better band.  Just like obviously Carolina will disappoint in the tournament once again.  Yes, I tend to lean towards the right in most things political, and yes I am a once and future Duke fan.  For the record, I am boycotting the team of my youth until one Greg Paulus graduates/leaves/gets tea-bagged again, etc…  The way he plays point guard is completely unbearable to watch, and last year I forsook my Dukedom until he is a mere footnote in the annals of the greatest basketball program’s history.  So go Clemson!

If the Boll Weevils are a nice top-shelf martini in the bar that is music, then the Non-Moss Gatherers would be the exact same quality martini,  except all dirty with the olive juice.  They were and are just a little more sloppy - and that appeals to me and 50 million other fans.  Plus they were cool enough to redo a Townes Van Zant song - and the world needs to know the tortured genius that was Townes Van Zant.  This is a true classic that is great for drunken sing-a-longs around a campfire.  Trust me I know.

As far as trash-talking goes, just ask DB, his missus, or my brother about their almost menage they had this past weekend.  A true Sheyda classic that will be retold for years.  Enjoy!  Teddy

31 plays

The Bottles - Billy P

This is really not a close call. Seriously. Other than having stayed together longer, which is no small feat, the Groans have nothing on the Bottles. Don’t get me wrong, The Groans are great. Ex—e and S——y F——-s are as good as any album ever made and there are few bands that have done as much as for rock n roll as the Groans.

The one obvious exception is the Bottles. For a band that recorded all its music in less than a 10 year time period, the breadth of material and achievement is nothing less than stunning and it has never been matched. From pure British pop (“L—e L—e Me D-“) to introspective psychedelic leaning rock (“She S—d She S—d”), the Bottles covered more ground in less time than any band. And with each progression the Bottles didn’t merely experiment with new music, they exploded new ground.

As for bar songs (which is certainly not a genre many associate with the Bottles), this song as good as any and it wasn’t even intended to be a bar song. Melodic yet still piercing, this tune is…well…just down right fucking cool. This tune also shows what great screamers John and Paul were.

Oh, and they actually wrote it.

136 plays

The Bottles. Thermal Ballistic Zen.

My first introduction to this song was my tape of the first half of The WA, an innocent early purchase from Ernie’s Music - as David has already mentioned, the worst music store in the history of the world. I had no idea until many years later that there was even a second half about Tracy and me sharing the same birthday. This song and this album = reading a Nick Fury Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. graphic novel on the creamish colored carpet of my bedroom at 3524 Honeysuckle Drive, circa 1990. I listened to this over and over and don’t think I really tried to come to terms with the lyrics until many years later, either. I remember I’d try to think about them but then get scared of the images they’d conjure up, and so stop. For example, what was I to do with WDWJDIITR? Trying to literally picture what was being called for there was to find oneself mentally strolling down an evil country lane blocked by a naked madman grinding it out with a Sabine in the gravel and dust. In this song the hand of velvet and lizard on the window pane comment really used to bother me, particularly because of the guitar crash interrupting the otherwise peaceful opening preceding it.  But that’s probably why I kept coming back - moths and flames. At any rate, I tried to recreate all of this at or around my 23rd birthday in Nice, after Paul and Kate gave me The WA as a present, complete on double-CD this time. I asked my mom to bring some Punisher comics for me when she visited from NC, misremembering at the time which comic it was that The WA was associated with (in my head). The album was still great, but there in the old town at 23 with The Punisher really couldn’t conjure up the scene from Honeysuckle. But I also remember thinking, why would I want to go back there?

-db-

18 plays

The Bottles - Sylvester Stallone and the woodland creature

I have been asking my friends this question, the Groveling Groans or the Bottles, and the answer has resoundingly been the Bottles and just about everybody hates the Groans. I don’t think I’m surprised, but it’s strange that the Bottles so readily translate across generations but the Groans are religated in large part into your parent’s musical catalog.

But in the meantime, that’s not whose turn it is.  This is one of my favorite Bottle’s tracks.  I first heard it from Jeff Olsen when he played it on his guitar for me.  I made him play it a lot.  I like the character descriptions, the gin-drinking doctor, the girl with two names, the empty hotel room which actually holds redemption.  I really love the album of white, but I have a hard time with some of their more psychadelically weird stuff, and I could never sit through their cartoon, but they are a fantastic band.